If I were to beat a drum parenting-wise, the one I'd pick is the drum that beats the loudest for Grace. We all need it so bad! And we never seem to run out of opportunities to practice flexing the grace muscle. Forget daily application, sometimes we need it hourly minute by minute! I think a step in the right direction toward this end is recognizing that we are all--each of us--in need of grace. We need to get it, we need to give it, particularly when it comes to the tight-knit context of a family.
Families are little communal social experiments, they really are. You can have ten kids all living under the same roof, with the same parents, house rules, values and so on, but at the end of the day, you will still have ten unique individuals with completely dispositions. This is no different for us. We have six very different people cohabiting under the same roof, each trying to get their needs met and navigate the many personality maps that we all have. They say familiarity breeds contempt, so the potential is there for the home to be a pressure cooker of sorts; daily head butting, self-centeredness, thoughtlessness-all things that everyone deals with, have the potential to create a family-style toxic soup if it isn't kept in check by the application of grace. The more we model grace, the sooner it becomes the primary language spoken in the home.
There was a time when I thought that researching personality types was a waste of time. We all had one personality -type, and it was a sinful one. Case closed. I don't know how well this approach equipped me to relate or attempt to minister. Actually, strike that, I do know.... I wasn't equipped! Being a new christian, I thought my parenting style needed to look one way. The way where I laid down the law, and my obedient children would consistently comply. Imagine my surprise when this method wasn't working for me. I was certain that everyone else had tapped into a deeper spiritual parenting truth that I wasn't privy to. I was sure that I was the only one at church with a loud and unorganized home. In retrospect, I see how silly this whole notion was, considering we human beings are really good at letting people see what we want them to see- which is the glossy, airbrushed picture. The real picture is almost always very different. And along with the nitty-gritty of a real life household, there is the deep sense of disappointment and feelings of failure when we perceive that our homes aren't perfect. Such is life when we operate outside of the grace of GOD. How freeing it is to acknowledge that God is the only One capable of making spirits and attitudes change. And HE is the only One incapable of disappointing me! When this clicks, I am free to cut people some slack, because I am all too aware of my shortcomings and in need of their grace in return. And I begin to look at the specific needs of each individual in a different light. Each deserving of different approaches, specific efforts.
Over time, the LORD, in His grace, has shown me so much of Himself by the many different parenting situations that I have found myself in over the past 19 years. And even now, I humbly acknowledge, that I have such a loooooooong way to go. I haven't even scratched the surface of parenting with grace. But I have, however, learned to recognize, celebrate and minister to five distinct personalities, all with five different love languages. And this is in-step biblically. It is not some broad brushed knee-jerk resistance to psychology.
Unique
But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.
Isaiah 43:1
These rich verses is such a gold mine for mamas. The Father identifies with each of us uniquely-specifically. He has, in His Masterful Artistry designed, redeemed and claimed us as His own. Think of it. Our children are His- on loan to us for a short time. As such, I must approach it with the devotion it deserves. Its OK to look upon my children as unique individuals with different needs. I love how God calls Jacob by name, even though He refers to the corporate personification of the tribes of Israel. I love His doting attention. I love thinking about how Hagar in exile, appealed to God in her sorry state, and the Father is identified as The-God-Who-Sees. And He does. He sees it all and chooses to wink at His children for the sake of His Son.
Tenderness
“Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; Isaiah 49:15,16
that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; Isaiah 49:15,16
Since I call Him FATHER, sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around the "maternal" attributes of God. It is easier for me to think of Him as a Warrior (Jer. 20:11) as opposed to the description found here (Is. 49:15,16) Not that He must ascribe to a higher maternal law, since He is the Source of all that is tender, and gentle and compassionate. These are parts of Himself ingrained in a mama's DNA. When we intentionally pay attention to the life lessons that are acquired along the way, we slowly change, by grace, into the image of our Blessed Saviour and Friend, Jesus. And in so doing, we reflect His love to our children.
No comments:
Post a Comment