I'm thinking about my little Spencer today. Not that I don't think about him everyday, but with his first birthday coming up, I am thinking about him and our last year together in a reflective, deeper kind of way.
Isn't it funny how you can't really imagine how you operated without the little people in your life? I mean, I lived forty years without having Spencer in it, and yet, looking back, it's as though we were missing the "Spencer piece" of the puzzle. The funny thing was, Spencer was a huge surprise. I waited ten weeks before I even bought a pregnancy test. I never had reliable girly-plumbing, and having a didelphus/septate uterus http://www.babymed.com/pregnancy-complications/abnormal-uterus-bicornuate-didelphus-bicornuate
had lent itself its own history of pregnancy heartbreak and difficulty for me. So even though my heart's desire was to have a humungous family, the biological clock was ticking loud enough to drown those feelings out. Pregnancy at forty was not on my radar at all; i was sweetly (and finally) content with my family as-is and oriented my thinking toward walking my first baby through her senior year of high school. But by November, I knew something was up, and bought one of those tests. Can you say: game changer?
A positive pregnancy-read was something that I could never really shout from the rooftops. I was nervously reserved throughout all of my pregnancies until after my first check-up, which was after my first trimester. I would then share (or not share) the news based on those findings. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait too long before my fist trimester was over.
In a nutshell, the pregnancy with Spencer was the hardest one yet. I had all of the extra tests and the inevitable thirteen weeks of bedrest, but this time, I was forty, with a toddler to boot. And somebody didn't give Selah the memo that mommy needed to stay in bed. On top of that, I was on meds to keep him healthy and in there for as long as possible. Needless to say, I was more than ready to have that baby. So after three different arrival dates, we ended up having him via C-section on May 10th. It was the sweetest of days. The easiest of all the deliveries and recoveries. The week that I had him, sixty other babies were delivered, with only eight available maternity beds. There were babies and mommies everywhere. I had to change my hospital room four times. This, of course was inconsequential to my precious new preoccupation with Spencer.
the big debut.
When they finally handed him to me, I remember him being so small and he shook a lot, but he also responded to voices, and was quick to be comforted. Holding him close would instantly soothe and pacify. Clearly, he already knew me, I was certain of it. And this was comforting
He had come home requiring a few days of bilirubin lights for jaundice, so we rented them. I did not like this at all, because you strap the baby into it straight-jacket style and can't move him for two hours at a time, which is tricky to synch with your developing nursing routine. Still, I was grateful to do this at home with me, as opposed to readmittiing into the hospital.
At ten weeks, Spence was still under eight pounds, so he wasn't even on the chart for growth percentiles. We took him in weekly to chart his progress with his doctor. But as you can see, he was alert, expressive and wonderful. Very active and happy.
3 months, 8.3 lbs. Starting to get stronger!
4 months, 9.9 lbs. filling out, rolling, does random ab crunches like nobody's business
Six months, starts to sit all by himself
December. Seven months old. The most eventful month yet. Thirteen pounds, eight ounces. First Christmas, crawling, pulls to a standing position, and teething like crazy. This is also the month of your first seizure.
Happy New Year, Baby. You're eight months, still on the smallish side of the growth charts(fifth percentile), and have now been seen for several seizures. Something's up, making an appointment with a neurologist when the roads are clear. You are keeping along the furniture though, so that's amazing
Feb. 2012 Nine months- well, after a trip to the neurologist we have an official diagnosis of epilepsy, but by God's grace we also have a new walker in the house...Spencer started walking three months earlier than his siblings.The Lord knew I needed to see some healthy develpoment and couldn't wait!
Ten months, fourteen pounds six ounces. Spence started eating with a spoon. Now if we could just sleep through the night!
At eleven months, we moved you across country, and moved in with loved ones in Indiana.
Oh, the places you'll go!
tweleve months. Delighting us daily with your infectious smile and sweet disposition. You love
yogurt, bananas and sweet potato.
The past 365 days with Spencer has proven to be some of the most joyful as well as some of the most challenging that I've experienced to date. And through it, the Father saw fit to use this tiny person to be my most poignant of teachers; exposing my fears, faithlessness, all the while pushing the boundries of my comfort zone, and stretching natural leanings from over-protecting to releasing, trusting, and persevering. It's been hard, but necessary. And when all is said and done, if stretching me helps him at all, it's worth it.
happy birthday, my sweet little one.
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